High Desert Jezebel

     Today I started a new Instagram account for my thrift store stuff. I was driving around for work listening to TED Talks and I realized that thrift shopping is the one thing I do that I enjoy all the time. I don't know, maybe it will lead somewhere, but if anything it's something I can feel good about.      I'm in a weird place right now. Vick and I are on the rocks and I'm moving out of Raptor House. I'm moving in with a friend and I'm actually pretty optimistic; it's a much bigger place and it's not falling apart, I'll have lots of room to do art and store my thrifted items. My friend is also interested in thrift shopping and resale and we both are thinking of trying to start up resale businesses. I'm not sure what the next year is going to look like but I think it's the start of a new type of life for me.      Anyway, if you find this go follow me on Instagram. My account there is also High Desert Jezebel.

The quick update: Vick almost died in April 2016 but he didn't. We got married June 2016. We moved to Ohio in November 2016 but Vick hated it so we came back the next summer. While in Ohio I started doing food delivery apps and I think I'm done with traditional jobs forever. Vick's drinking got really bad and we almost divorced; he quit, though, so we worked it out. We tried to restart Raptor House but it wasn't fun anymore so Vick shut it down.

You know what's awesome? Having amazing bands travel thousands of miles across the country to play at your house. The Cryptics and the Crystal Methodists were a great show, professional and nice; I wish I'd had the chance to talk to them more but unfortunately I had to deal with a boyfriend who instead of taking care of the house got shitfaced before the show even started and kept yelling and flashing his dick in the front yard. Not fun. I did get records from both bands; I'm starting up a collection from everyone who plays at the house (right now it's just those two, Bad Future, and Catholic Guilt). The landlady got wind of the parties, though, so were going to have to tone it down. Rob, the new roommate, has been great, making sure Vick doesn't die in his drunken stupor and keeping an eye out so that the house doesn't get destroyed. I like having a punk house, don't get me wrong, but I think my idea of a punk house is a lot more creativity and community t...

Vick and I went to Old Town today to test our cameras while we walked around a neighborhood that isn't the student ghetto. It's funny, I've lived in Albuquerque off and on for seven years and I've only been to Old Town maybe twice, once to see Fast Heart Mart play at the gazebo and once when my mom came to town for Johnny's and my wedding (in 2011; the last of the Navajo wind talkers, about five men, were signing books. The last one passed away last year). There wasn't anything special going on but it was a lot of fun to just wander around and film each other. Have you seen Rome '78? I was thinking it would be cool to do a Western that way here in New Mexico. After I got home I downloaded the free version of Lightworks; I spent probably six hours messing around with it tonight. I don't understand (so far, at least) why it's supposed to have such a steep learning curve. The tutorials were pretty straight forward, anyway. Unfortunately, my camera sav...

Wow, a lot of things have been going on since I last posted. Raptor House is in it's fifth month since Vick and I took it over and things are going amazingly well. It's always amazing to have to local bands like Bad Rye or Soviet Science Fair play, and new projects like Worship No Apparatus forming in our living room. Getting Catholic Guilt and Bad Future was exciting (I don't think I've ever seen this place so packed!). This Friday is Daniel's noise/fetish birthday party and Saturday we're doing a movie night (Holy Mountain/Gutterpunk Massacre), so it can only get better, right? It's great to see kids like Yuckii coming up in the world and supporting our venue so strongly. I finished the semester at UNM by the skin of my teeth and I'm taking the summer off, possibly longer, to focus  on the house, making movies, writing stories, publishing zines, making art, and traveling. If all goes well Vick and I will be finishing up his latest script and m...

Whoa, it's been awhile. The ups and downs! The back story: The taco shop closed down on me and I took a desperate hitch-hiking trip to California, where I met the most wonderful people, punk rockers who like motorcycles and bones and don't just listen to metal. When I got back Johnny broke up with me for a day, but Christian mediated and we worked it out. We were so dead broke and beat, I think that was the problem; I don't think people who have never been that poor can understand how much money means to every part of your life when you don't have it. I got a job at a call center after a long wait; it started out full of promise and quickly deteriorated. Everyone was nice but the job itself caused me such stress that I started crying in front of my bosses one day. That was about a month ago; I took a few days off, then put my notice in when I came back. There is no point in working a job that makes you that miserable. More people have died: Torch, Ian, I don't k...

I didn't know when I last posted that my dad had only twelve days left to live. He died October 5th, during my birthday party. I didn't find out until the next day, two days before my actual birthday, already a bad day because Johnny and I had a bad time the night before. I called my mom and had her tell my sister so that my uncle wouldn't have to. They cremated him a few days later. I didn't come home for that. My uncle and my brother sent me money so we could fly up just before Halloween so we could come to the memorial. We made jokes about him and dumped some of his ashes into the creek at Ed's house. I felt bad for my aunt and uncles. I cry a lot lately when no one's around. It's not all for my dad; this year has been a bad one for a lot of reasons and I think it finally got me. Bike trouble, disheartening job hunts, no car, no cash, a lot of people dying. I feel like I'm so far down I can't get up anymore. I've lost hope. I'm tryin...

This is something I wrote in my journal and, in the moment, at least, want to share. It's a little disjointed but I feel like it means something for me. Like it shows my life more clearly than I'm often able to share. 6:25AM - I'm at Satellite so early that they haven't even put out the patio chairs yet. There was only one other customer when I walked in a few minutes ago (now there are three). It's so quiet, and the music is soothing and hopeful this morning. My walk up here was wonderful. The sunrise was just beginning to light up the edges of the sky behind black mountains in the distance, but the rest of town was still in night. It was cold outside and I wore my hat and my shemagh and my black hoodie under my vest. I carried my mp3 player in my hand to fold the faulty cord in place and listened to the Gin Blossoms play. I just finished reading a zine-book called Indestructible about the author's high school years, her queer/bi-ness, her struggle with her...

Time flies when you’re working your ass off! The situation has changed a lot since the last post. Instead of banging my head up against a wall because I’m unemployed and broke, I’m now banging my head up against a wall because I’m employed and broke. I got hired on at a taco shop part time, but the night shift worker walked out two days before the manager’s vacation started and guess who got to fill in for the eleven hour shifts? It came right after I found out the I was being billed as an out-of-state student at UNM and had to drop out for the semester, so it was actually welcome news. Still, it was exhausting, and downtown Albuquerque at 2:30AM is nuts, but it’s over now and I’m back to my normal part-time schedule (hey, for punk rock former travellers, that’s about as strong a work commitment as you can hope for!). We got our new apartment (moved in on the second) which is what put the pressure on when I realized I wasn’t getting student loans. Jessie, our gracious hippie...

I just dropped off the physical copy of my transcript that I had to go pick up at CNM after the one the sent electronically couldn't be found by UNM and received the wonderful news that it will take two weeks to process. That's another two weeks before I can enroll in classes and another two weeks before I'll be able to get any sort of financial aid. I did drop off some more applications but the general consensus seems to be that "we'll need some people after the fall term starts up again next month." Okay, I get it. I'm taking a vacation. I just have to decide if I want to head west for beaches or north to visit friends in Denver that I was supposed to see in April or May. I may be able to catch a ride with friends in one direction or the other to jump start the trip. I just can't imagine staying in Albuquerque another month with no way to make money; I'm so broke I can't even wash my clothes! I had to wash panties in the bathtub just to h...

Happy day before the 4th-of-July! I'm just relieved that the art fair is in the past. For as half-assed as it was in many ways, I have to say that I think it was a success. Everyone sold something and no one seemed to mind the ninety-nine degree heat. Vick showed up in cut-off swim trunks, exposing dozens of fresh homemade tattoos and my old favorite down his leg that reads "Victory In The Sense Of Failure." He waved down traffic in his shorty-shorts which was perfect for Pride day and once Erica was done with the parade stuff she joined him (I think her fuschia-covered chest actually got us less traffic because the drivers were too distracted staring at her boobs to read the sign!). Johnny seemed to be having a really good time just talking to people and drinking cold beers in the hot shade from the car port. It was byob and that lent things a fun, party-like aspect so the crowd of friends grew throughout the afternoon, which attracted passers-by to both the art and into...

Another day, another three or four hours spent sitting at Satellite Coffee. We've pretty much resigned ourselves to the idea that we live here again. I rewrote my resume yesterday and am planning to go around looking for a job as soon as I can get copies printed and pull some work clothes together. We need to go up to the SSI office and transfer Johnny's information here before Ohio cuts him off. I'm planning to enroll in UNM for either a creative writing or fine arts degree (maybe both), I'm just waiting because I don't have money to pay the application fee. Honestly, I look forward to being back in school and I've been having a lot of fun making art and seeing all the people I missed while I was in Ohio, I just need to get a little more on the ball with making money and art and writing; sleeping until two in the afternoon is a great way to waste your life. With less than five days until the art fair I've been scrambling to get things together. I've t...

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted anything here, hasn't it? The past two years were strange. I was so intent on moving to Ohio and disappointed that Johnny was so unhappy there; there were so many good qualities there but not the right good qualities: friends, a community, kindness. And being near my family, the original reason for moving up there, turned out to be just stressful for me when I couldn't help them (you can't fix people's lives!). So after much talk and planning we left on a cross-country motorcycle trip, had an awesome time for about two weeks, then broke down here in New Mexico. Back in Albuquerque! I suppose it's the best place it could have happened. It's such a relief to have friends who know us and really care for us, to have the understanding art community, and even just to be out of that midwestern buggy humidity. The desert is more home now than my hometown (though I do get sly joy from rocking the Gummo shirt for a sort of pervers...

How has it been three months already since I last posted?! (Answer: I am a procrastinator!). Well, the trip to Ohio went off okay; we had a three AM, middle-of-nowhere flat tire, but an awesome tow truck guy in Rolla got us not a spare but an actual tire and wheel for, like, twenty bucks. SOOO cool. Visited parents, friends, went to the Cincinati Zoo (perhaps a poor choice for the middle of a hot, humid August day, especially coming from Albuquerque), and rescued a friend and her kids from her crazy mother on by dropping them off in Denver on the way home. School started and I realized that picking some of the most homework/study-heavy courses at CNM and then cramming four of them together back-to-back was probably not the best idea I've ever had. Especially when I was planning a wedding in the middle of the term. I might have to drop one of the classes so I don't screw up my GPA. Johnny and I got married three days ago (yay! and FINALLY!), which was fun. I picked a ran...

I'm going on the road in a week and it cannot come one moment too soon. I've spent most of my days this summer lying around inside avoiding the sun and the heat (mostly the sun) when I don't have to go to work. I didn't go to school 'cause I wanted time to myself; I should have realized that when I have a comfortable place to procrastinate I'll never get anything done. I just reread old books, watch Netflix, and dye my hair. I guess I've gotten some good paintings done and we've sold some artwork this summer, so that's something. Still, I do miss green trees and water and beaches and towns that aren't fifty miles apart. I'll be glad to see my family and the friends from home who haven't left yet; as I've gotten older I've realized that I had it a lot better as a kid than most of the people I'm close to did. Maybe we'll check out some local punk shows while we're in Ohio. It's been a long time since I've lived...

There is a party in Boulder, Colorado, tomorrow night. I was invited but the person who invited me doesn't expect me to actually show up because I live almost five hundred miles away. I was thinking about jetting up there as soon as I get out of work tomorrow; I wouldn't get there until probably two in the morning but her reaction if I showed up with no notice would be worth it; she has the best reactions. She squeaks and jumps up on me and is so happy to see me (why do people always want to play it cool? No one wants their friends to be like "Hey, you showed up, cool, whatever" when they show up out of the blue, they want people to be excited!). The main problem is that Johnny has an MRI scheduled for Sunday at five o'clock. Who schedules MRIs for Sundays? I didn't even know they were open on a Sunday. It isn't important, though, just an MRI to tell him what he already knows, so maybe we'll blow it off and go anyway. I'm dying to get out of Burque...

Right now I'm listening to podcast by my cousin. She's eleven years older than me so we've never been very close; we saw each other a few times a year (Christmas, 4th of July, weddings, and baby showers) and I knew she was the only other member of my family that could be called "alternative," (by that I mean she was into things that most people in Ohio were not even aware of). I left the area when I turned eighteen; she had kids and went to school and stayed in the area. A couple years ago she published a book. It's amazing to me that someone I know has published a book. I know a lot of people who have written zines or who show art or make crafts that are sold around town, but not one other person who's done something like this. She recently found me on facebook and said that she thinks we have a lot of things in common so today I googled her name and found youtube videos of her burlesque performance, profiles of her on half a dozen pages, her blog, and ...

It's been awhile since I've really posted on a regular basis; my old blog got left behind with my old MySpace account. I miss it; it was a way for me to put a thread out in the world that is open but not so direct as posting shit on FaceBook. Too many people who there who know me some, but not enough. Sometimes an escape from your friends is nice. Anyway. Been living in this desert town for about two and a half years (in the state off and on for over a decade) so I guess it's my hometown now. Sometimes I miss the water back home but not enough to want to live there. The people are different here, more accepting than any place I've ever been. Santa Fe was one of the easiest places I've ever been homeless in, everyone was so easy going. The land of manana, right? I haven't been painting as much as I'd like to lately. School has eaten up so much of my time; I like it but do I really need so many essays and projects? I'll just be glad to take the summer ...